Ok, so this post is mostly for my female readers. BUT you men are more than welcome to read! This is something that I’ve been hearing A LOT about lately. First off, let me just say that I was very blessed to not have anyone say anything negative about my own birth story. Not when it happened and not since. At least, not to my face.
However, there is this fierce competition among some mommies to say that vaginal (aka “natural”) birth makes them “more” a mom than those who have had a c-section. There are c-section mommies fiercely protecting their story, advocating it, because they feel as if others think they’re somehow less of a mommy because their child came out of their belly as opposed to their vagina. I want to pause right there. This is beyond sad to me. Why would we, as women, who are naturally more hard on ourselves than need be, go out and ridicule another woman about HOW she gave birth? Why is the way that her child came into this world and into her life a sign of how “real” a mom she is? I have aunts who fostered and adopted (and a cousin who’s doing the same!). I have a friend who had to endure some painful IVF in order to just conceive (and had to do this multiple times before birthing a beautiful, handsome son). Yet others use a surrogate to bring their dreams of being a mom to fruition. Does any of this make them less of a mom? Absolutely not! So why are we continuing to badger and berate about what form of birth is “better”?
Yes, we’d all love to have a natural birth, where there’s no pain, no tearing and no peeing whenever you laugh, cough or sneeze afterwards. We’d also all love perfectly behaved children who never need any gentle prompting in the right direction. While we’re talking about a perfect world, I’d love to have a stress-free life too. But, hey, guess what? Nothing is perfect in life – EXCEPT that we DO have these wonderful children in our lives. If we’ve been blessed to have them, let’s not compare HOW. Let’s thank the Lord we have them and instead, encourage one another as moms.
Lets stop comparing about the childbirth, the breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding, homemade baby food vs store-bought, cry it out method vs soothing, co-sleeping vs crib, cloth diapers vs disposable, stay at home mom vs working mom and all the other ways we compare. Lets just say “hi, I’m Mandy and I’m a mom. It’s nice to meet you and your little one(s)” and not judge them based on how naturally their child(ren) came into their lives. As moms, lets laugh together, not fight. If we’re crying together, let it be because we’re sharing each other’s pain, not because we’re tearing one another down. Our lives, as parents, is hard enough without knowing someone out there is judging us.
So stop the madness. If you hear someone had a c-section and you had a vaginal, ask questions about the c-section! I’ll be the first to say that I actually do not mind talking about mine. I feel empowered when I talk about it. I worked very hard to bring our son into this world! 🙂 I love to hear any birth/adoption/foster stories. I just love to hear when parents receive their little blessings! 🙂 Maybe you had the c-section and you find out someone had a vaginal birth, ask them if they feel comfortable talking about it. Or you/they have a very special adoption story. Share it with pride! Let’s encourage one another, each birth/adoption story is unique and special. These children are amazing individuals and will play out an important role in our lives and in the lives of other people. And guess what – WE ARE WHERE IT ALL STARTED! We, as the parents (because I realize some mommies aren’t in the picture anymore and the daddies are where it’s at), are the ones helping to mold and shape them now. So let’s show them what it means to be encouraging and supportive of differences, not jaded and judgmental.
In closing, would I have preferred a vaginal birth? Sure. 🙂 Well, I think…lol, I hear horror stories about women peeing when they even so much as cough, sneeze or giggle..or run! And they poop on the delivery table? Hmm… But, that being said, the Lord had other plans for our son to come into this world. The Lord also blessed me with a great experience and I can say I have no regrets and I would do it all over again. What will we do for the next child? I don’t know. I honestly don’t. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. In the meantime, I’ll keep encouraging the women I know when it comes to these birthing competitions, encouraging them to NOT compete. We’re parents – that’s hard enough! Let’s not compete when it comes to something silly like HOW the child came into our home (unless it was illegally done, then you should probably say something to the authorities, just saying ;)), let’s just say “congrats! You did a great job!” and actually mean it. 🙂
PS – I tried really hard to write this in a way to not offend anyone. If I did, please accept my sincerest apologies and feel free to contact me! I’d like to know what I could do to improve the post so it doesn’t come across offensive! 🙂